The Cosmic Game

Tyller A. Myers was just that guy. He stole stop signs in his spare time, because he was a 19-year-old with a Ford F-150 — it was practically in his Dipshit Teenager contract. But Tyller’s theft went beyond that standard pubescent rebel flag: The stop sign hung defiantly on his bedroom wall. Myers was a serial thief: Turns out a lot of stop signs were going missing in Norwalk, Ohio, which can obviously cause some potentially deadly traffic problems.

Then one night, presumably while out Robin Hood-ing some stop signs — stealing from those who had too much traffic control to give to those poor saps with no road signs at all — Myers ran an inexplicably unstolen stop sign. When he drove onto the highway after blowing straight through the intersection, he was hit by a semi and later pronounced dead on the scene. We’re not ones to celebrate anybody’s death, and we’re not saying he deserved it — but the irony just lines up so perfectly. It’s like God was playing a cosmic game of irony pool, and Myers was the friggin’ 8 Ball.

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