Writing Chapter Four of, “To Dance with Ugly People – Nmane – Honor the new bride – Becoming a woman. I reflected on Relationships.
I married twice. My first HUSBAND had been my only boyfriend in High School and we married at the age of 18. That lasted five years. My next relationship was amazing, although filled with the road blocks of both of our loss of trust and our fear of repeating the horrors of our first marriages, unfortunately he passed away after 6 years together. I was left filled with regrets. My second HUSBAND was a rebound from the loss of the wonderful man before him, whom I saw as my “Soul Mate.” Second husband was able to pity me into marriage, asking me to marry him almost as soon as he met me and we married two months after meeting and that lasted 12 years.
Seeking help, hoping to make my second marriage work, I fell under the psychoanalytic concept of being a “Codependent,” in both my marriages. Codependent is described as a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. I was labeled the “person who supports or enables.” Blew my mind! It still doesn’t make sense to me. But, the following are examples they gave me:
When your husband indulges in his affliction, spending up all of the money needed to pay the household bills, or the portion of money he was to contribute towards the household bills, you work overtime, or get a second job or a loan to patch things up. That is wrong! “Let the lights get turned off, they said. “Let the water get shut off,” they insisted. “Let the house go into Foreclosure!” They sternly announced. I sat and stared at them. But, my mind was racing.
I was thinking – My lights go out and my two children and I will sit in the dark, unable to watch television, wash our clothes or cook – with him! My two children and I will sit in a Foreclosed House unable to take a bath or get a drink of water waiting for the Mortgage Company to come throw us out on our ears – with him! I packed up my two kids and left.
What have I learned? I am best at being single! Curious about the relationship in Chapter Four of, “To Dance with Ugly People?” Get your copy and enjoy!